Children

This week in family relations we talked about the mormon taboo - sexuality. We talked about the four stages of the human sexual response system and also talked about the different forms of contraceptives or "birth control". We talked about what the churches stance is on birth control and it became a pretty heated discussion. The churches policy on birth control is this:
"Husband and wife are encouraged to pray and counsel together as they plan their families." and that "Decisions about birth control and the consequences of those decisions rest solely with each married couple."

These statements and more counsel on birth control can be found at http://www.lds.org/study/topics/birth-control?lang=eng&query=birth+control

I feel like this topic of birth control is often controversial within the church. We are taught that the purpose of getting married is to have children. I don't believe, however, that this means the same thing for everyone. There is not some time table or suggested agenda on when a couple should start a family. Each couple is unique in their circumstances and unique personalities, needs and trials and as a result, when to start a family is unique for each couple and that is why it is a decision that should be made between spouses and the Lord.

In the most recent general conference, Elder Neil L. Anderson gave a talk entitled "Children". He said "When to have a child and how many children to have are private decisions to be made between a husband and wife and the Lord. These are sacred decisions - decisions that should be made with sincere prayer and acted on with great faith." He later goes on to say "Brothers and sisters, we should not be judgmental with one another in this sacred and private responsibility."

His talk can be read, listened to or watched here http://www.lds.org/general-conference/2011/10/children?lang=eng

I feel like there were some comments in class that were full of judgment - both for those who dont have kids right away and those who do. This is a sacred matter and it should not be our place to judge others according to the limited view we have of their family- however large or small it may be. We don't know and never will know all of the circumstances that impact a couples decision to have or not to have children and therefore our opinion should not be shared or given unless asked for. I know that I am just as guilty as the next person of judging others. It is an act of the natural man and is easy for us to do, but we should try our best to look at others and simply assume that they are doing what the Lord would have them do.

Getting Married

This week we talked about getting married. We talked about the reasons why people get married and some of the challenges that come with planning a wedding and then problems that come after the wedding. Having planned a wedding myself, I know that it can be a stressful time and many of the problems that we talked about that can occur while planning a wedding were things that happened for us. But the chapter made getting married sound like something that was pointless because most couples will just break up in the end. I felt like this was a rather negative view and opinion of marriage. Marriage isn't easy and it does take some hard work from both parties, but that doesn't mean that it is impossible. I am so happy to be married to a great man and although I know I won't always have a five course dinner on the table and he won't always come home with a boquet of fresh flowers, but I know that I want to be with him for eternity. It may take work, but it is so worth it. Satan is working hard to undermine the family and one of his attacks is stopping the family before it even starts. If he can make people think that gettting married isn't worth it, he can have that much more power over the family.

Relationships

This week we talked about dating and courtship. We talked about four different characteristics or things that lead to attraction.

1 - Physical attraction: There are two theories under physical attraction. The first is the social theory of physical attraction. It stats taht if people are powerful and beautiful and you are perceived as being a part of that group, you are also perceived as powerful and beautiful. The second theory is the biological theory which states that men look at women for youth and fertility and women look at men for strength and stature. Men want women who can bear healthy children and women want men who can provide for and protect their children. We talked about the waist-to-hip ratio which is about .8. This means that men prefer women whose hips are a little bit larger than their waist, or curvy women. Statistics show that women who fall within this ratio are typically women who live healthy lives.

2 - Proximity: The closer you live to someone, the more likely romantic relationships occur or are available. We talked, however, about the advances that technology has made in long distance relationships, and this is changing the concept of proximity a little bit.

3 - Similarities: You are generally attracted to people who are similar or like you. This is where the phrase "Birds of a feather flock together" comes in. Although there may always be differences between people within a relationship, there are usually more things in common than not between those who are in intimate relationships. Having similarities puts both partners on equal ground and understanding with each other.

4 - Familiarity: You are more likely to talk to, interact with, and ultimately date those who you previously know, or meet through someone you know. Within familiarity is also the concept that if you hear positive things about someone before you meet them, they are more attractive to you when you actually do meet them.

Gender

This week we talked about gender. We brought up a few controversial topics like equality for women and same gender attraction. What I kept thinking about all week is The Family Proclamation to the World. I've thought a lot this week about my understanding of the divinity of gender and my own gender-role orientation. One of my personality traits is that if someone tells me I can or can't do something (especially because I'm a girl) I will do everything I can to prove them wrong. So when it comes to equality for women, I am all about it. I can do anything a man can, they have no superiority over me simply because I am a woman and they are a man. However, I also know that gender is a divinely appointed gift and each gender has been given certain gifts that are unique to their gender - especially women. Over the last few years, my focus has shifted. Yes, I can do anything a man can. I can have a successful career in businesses, politics, accounting, public relations or anything else if I wanted to. But just because I can doesnt mean that I should. Womanhood is a gift and blessing from my Heavenly Father and with that gift comes many special blessings and talents that I possess. I have the opportunity to be a wife and a mother and in holding those roles I have the opportunity to nurture and care for the lives and well-being of others. My divine gender role is to be a mother and a wife. That doesn't make me any less important or skilled than men. I can still do anything if I set my mind to it, but that's not what Heavenly Father wants for me and I should be happy with the blessing it is to be different from men - not subordinate or inferior, just different.